she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
