i barfeds in our rink
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
