They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
