he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
