Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
