My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize