oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
