i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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