Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
