The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
What a dumb baby whore.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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