Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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