God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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