dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
