I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
