i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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