i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
