Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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