I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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