discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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