nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
