sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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