haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize