We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
