i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
