Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
