oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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