Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
