How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
