i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize