either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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