I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
