Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
