I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
