What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just want to make out with him forever
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
