There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
