i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
