Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
