dude i'm inner monologue high
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
