so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize