I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
