its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I had to cum in my sink.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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