to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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