i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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