happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
