you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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