Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
