We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
