I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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