Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
