I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
