shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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