He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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