trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
