She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
