Don't you send me to vm
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
