a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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