Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
