CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
