Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
COCAINE IS GR8
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
