things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize