Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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