Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
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