bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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