I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
