i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
