I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
