the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize