I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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