i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
