I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
