New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
